Standing on the ground floor of a hospital, waiting to go up to the top floor, one of those insanely sweet old black women struck up conversation with me. You know exactly the type I'm talking about, not the AH!!-ghetto-black-lady-who-will-sass-me-if-I-don't-ask-her-what-floor-she's-getting-off-at elevator type, the unbelievably-kind-old-little-black-lady-who-smiles-at-everyone-she-meets. Seeing as I'm strikingly beautiful, she started off our bonding convo with one simple question, "Girl, you look real tired! You tired???" When I busted out laughing, she continued with, "Girl, you know what you need? You need to go home, draw a bath, then put your feet up, and have someone else make you a hot chocolate." I continued to laugh and agree with sweet old black lady, and when the elevator arrived to our ground floor, we boarded together, all smiles.
The doors next opened one floor up, on the first floor (as you'd imagine). On boarded a slew of med students with their overseeing attending, as well as approximately three other miscellaneous passengers en route to visit family members or on their own way to an appointment. My sweet black lady friend and the large cart she was pushing and myself all shuffled to the very rear of the elevator to make room for our new 6 or 7 med student companions and additional 4 other passengers.
When the elevator stopped on the 2nd floor to let out a passenger en route to visit family, all the med students shuffled off to yield to said passenger, and my little Aunt Jemima said, "God bless ya'll, have a great day." Sweet as she could fucking be. And then the med students re-piled onto the elevator.
The trusty ancient elevator again stopped on the 3rd floor, for no apparent reason, and all the med students again, shuffled off the elevator to allow anyone behind them to get off. At this point, again, Aunt Jemima said, "God bless, have a great day!" and all the med students, much to their chagrin, shuffled again, back on to the elevator. Upon the realization that the med students had been getting off and on the elevator to make room for her and her cart, she said, "Oh thank you sweeties, but I'm not getting off til the 5th floor, thank you, thank you."
At this point, some self-important, socially inept, pretentious dickhead motherfucker says to sweet little Aunt Jemima, "Yeah you'd better be getting off."
His tone, I assure you, was solemn, which can be confirmed by the uncomfortable silence that then filled the elevator as we slowly continued upward. Outraged, that some little shit med student could be rude to my new friend, Aunt Jemima, I leaned over to her and "whispered" (by whispered I mean nearly shouted), "I think it would be appropriate if you ran him off the elevator with your cart at the next stop."
At this point, the entire elevator, med students, overseeing attending, and random passengers alike all burst out laughing. I want you to know that I know my remark wasn't really all that hilarious. But I also want you to know that everyone in the elevator also hated this dbag so much for being an insufferable asshole that you would've thought I was fucking Robin Williams (or someone funnier).
The awkward ride ensued for another floor, during which said dbag med student's coloring grew brilliantly red from his neck to his forehead. Fucking little shit, being rude to my poor little Aunt Jemima who was only trying to bless his day with joy. Not like God ever listens to black peoples' (cite: Haiti, as a concept/country) prayers, but hey, it's great to be optimistic.
This is what Aunt Jemima looks like. No, jk, not at all, but you have to admit this is a funny photo.
