DC Etiquette #17: Share your opinion, even if no one else gives a shit.

It took me 4 tries to spell "etiquette" when I typed in the header.  It's been just that long since I last had a quality dbag encounter.  Either I've built up some immunity to being stunned by the douchebaggery I encounter on a daily basis, or I'm drunk and can't remember how to spell "etiquette".  It's anyone's guess (Hint: I'm just drunk).

Still, I haven't had anything particularly noteworthy of a high level of DC douchebaggery happen to me lately, so I've opted not to force posts, and just let them happen naturally.  It's just better that way, like losing one's virginity (that makes sense, right?).

Moving on from my really hilarious (read: not funny.) aforementioned virginity joke, I finally had a dbag experience, and I wasn't even looking for it.  I wasn't looking for anything at all really, as I was merely accompanying a friend on a trip to Harris Teeter.  Not even Whole Foods, where I expect to get visible looks of disgust when shopping in my sweats instead of hemp clothing purchasing non organic produce instead of mangoes handpicked from the backyard of some Phillippino immigrant child, as neatly displayed on the yellow, origin-explanatory, Whole Foods produce tag. 

No, instead my friend and I were spending a riveting, gripping, and enthralling Friday night at Harris Teeter doing some food shopping.  As my friend approached the deli counter, she did a quick scan of the items available, then turned and looked at me:


My pretty friend: Hey, what kind of turkey is good here?
Me:  I usually just get the Harris Teeter brand honey smoked turkey, it's pretty good.
HarrisTeeterTurkeyTwat: Um... actually... the Boars Head is FAR superior.

I wish I were joking or exaggerating when I transcribed her uninvited opinion, verbatim.  This little hot mess biddie was standing directly behind me, and in no way, shape, or form, could have thought my friend was addressing her (my friend and I may or may not have been spending extensive time in front of the cheese fridge area and had to jump out of her way when she shoved her cart past us.  So she knew we were "together", for all intents and purposes).  Here's a little FYI, my lithe, Free People clad, amiga:  in the deli section, all the meat is ground up animal parts packed into a deli-sliceable shape...so you see, not one product is truly superior to the other, it's all a whole lot of shit.  In reality, you should be buying a turkey and roasting it yourself, then carving that.  THAT's the best you can do at Harris Teeter, not purchasing from the deli section.  So why don't you shut your mouth when you're talking to me, you dirty, self righteous, turkey twat??

When I google imaged "turkey twat", I found this.  Glorious.

I'm sorry this wasn't very content filled or hilarious.  The end.