DC Etiquette #3: If you speak a foreign language (fluently or fallibly) it's important to let everyone know.

DC is a melting pot of a slew of internationals, and also a slew of some unimaginable douchebags. This is a fact.

In a part of the US where there are a ton of embassies and international organizations, you often overhear a myriad of foreign languages spoken all over the city and its surrounding areas. What I'm getting at is that in DC especially, speaking a foreign language is extremely beneficial in the job market.

However, only in DC is it beneficial to speak a foreign language in a group of all English speaking pals. As a matter of fact, it would seem that in DC, it is important to let as many people as humanly possible know that you speak a foreign language.

Here are a few tips on how to let everyone and their mother know you can speak a foreign language (note: These are all from my honest to god personal experiences meeting new people in DC)

1. Seize every opportunity to let someone know when you were studying your foreign language. Examples:

1a. Talk about WHERE you studied your language. For instance, "So this morning on the metro I was studying my Chinese, and there was a Chinese guy sitting next to me, and he like, looked at me, and laughed. Then I laughed. You wouldn't get it, it's a Chinese cultural thing." (also note: this is an exceptionally important line to drop, especially when you're a non-Asian speaking to another non-Asian.)

1b. Location, location, location. "There was a really long line at Subway on my lunch break. But I'd brought my CHINESE with me so I studied it in line."

2. Let some words "slip" in casual conversation. When someone hands you something, instead of saying "Thank you" try saying "Xie xie," to grab the attention of the person helping you. Remember, it's of the utmost importance that everyone else know you're better than they are because YOU study/speak a foreign language.

3. Claim you speak a language, even if you only know a few words. Listening to a speech from French President Sarkozy? Seen the Little Mermaid when you were little and retained a few words from the greatest part of the movie sung by the French chef? You know what I'm talking about, the "Les Poissons" song? Go on, nod along with his speech, you fluent putain.

4. Speak loudly in quiet places on your phone in your foreign language. Starbucks, the metro, a library, a restaurant. Disturbing other people in said quiet place? Doesn't matter, so long as EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS YOU SPEAK A FOREIGN LANGUAGE.

5. I like numbered lists.