DC Etiquette #6: Wear your ID badge at all times.

The typical schedule of an employee of the Maryland-DC-Virginia area:

1. Wake up
2. Remove ID badge from pillowcase.
3. Clip ID badge to shower curtain.
4. Shower.
5. Clip ID badge to towel to walk back to bedroom.
6. Clip ID badge onto underwear while I decide what to wear to work
7. Clip ID badge onto pants pocket or belt loop.
8. Proceed to metro.
9. Be sure that ID badge is on the outside of my jacket during walk to metro or to car.
10. Reposition ID badge so ID badge is visible over a jacket, if necessary.
11. If driving, consider putting ID badge in a visible place. Perhaps the dashboard, or maybe clip it onto my driver's window and let it flap in the wind as I drive. Just want everyone to imagine how high ranking I must be with my ID badge.
12. Fish for compliments while drawing attention to ID badge by talking about how chronically awful I look in ID badge pictures to coworkers.
13. MY ID BADGE MY ID BADGE MY ID BADGE.
14. Wear ID badge to Chipotle/Taco Bell/Pizza Hut/Cosi/Subway/Panera on my lunchbreak. These are the places only important ID badge wearing folk go to loudly discuss pressing afternoon meetings to be attended and briefs to be written.
15. Spend my afternoon gazing at my name and picture on my ID badge instead of doing any real concrete work.
16. Return to car/metro. Continue to place ID badge in visible spot. Possibly get in a fender bender to block afternoon traffic when I get distracted by the sun glare coming off of my beautiful shiny ID badge.
17. Return home. Change for dinner with friends to discuss our vast knowledge of politics in a public area. Place ID badge on jeans.
18. Go to dinner.
19. Come home, brush teeth, put on pajamas, clip ID badge onto pajamas.
20. Clip ID badge onto pillowcase. Get excited to flaunt my awesomeness via my ID badge again tomorrow.

I mean, if even popular works of art are being caught wearing them at all times...


...people of DC, we clearly must therefore be onto something. Bravo.