DC Etiquette #7: Do NOT cover your mouth.

As may have been noted in prior posts, I commute to work via the metro. As may have also been noted in prior posts, I am a distinctly disgruntled metro commuter.

However, comma (that was for emphasis), this is not without a good cause.

Why? You might be asking? I like question marks? I hope you're reading all of this in an annoying up tone? 'Cause we all know someone who speaks in an up tone? Who you want to shake like a baby every time he/she opens his/her mouth? Yes? Ok I'll move on?

No really, I will.

People of Haiti, Rwanda, Darfur: Sit down. I have a true tragedy to impart upon you.

Sort of.

Last week, I was "enjoying" my normal ride to work, when I suddenly heard the familiar sound of a sneeze. Being in DC, not a single person said, "Bless you", to my fellow metro rider, though given the circumstances I'm about to describe, this was actually quite fitting. This distinct "ACHOO" came from directly behind me. As a matter of fact, this sneeze was emitted directly into my just-out-of-the-shower-clean coif.

Too on the verge of vomitting to turn around and look at said repulsive human being with a look of utter disgust, I instead buried my face in my jacket as a distinct smell of airborne, sneezed-out mucus filled the air. You know the smell I'm talking about. When you sneeze into your hands and it smells oddly sweet(ish), but it's the distinct smell of diseased snot? Up tones (revisited)? Regardless, that repulsive smell permeated my breathing radius. I was too filled with nausea and repulsion to properly react by turning around and punching the diseased bastard seated behind me right in the fucking mouth.

I tell you this story, because this horrid son of a nutcracker infected me with a flu that left me alone on my couch on Thanksgiving, the greatest and most glutinous holiday of EVER, shivering with a fever and no appetite. TRAGEDY. And just for the record, I currently am continuing to snot all over the place. And sneeze constantly. WITH MY HAND OVER MY MOUTH SO I DON'T INFECT OTHERS.

And today, back in DC after Thanksgiving, I saw another dumb cunt sneezing ONTO HER CELL PHONE AS SHE TEXTED, emitting shit loads of germs into the air as she DID NOT COVER HER MOUTH.

The metro riding population looks a lot like this:



I'm at a loss for words. THIS IS FUCKING DISGUSTING. PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN AND COVER YOUR DIRTY, WHORISH, CUM-INFESTED MOUTH (here I'm addressing both genders, just a little fyi).

Thanks for listening.